Some relationships sometimes reach a point of no return, so giving them up is better than continuing them. But separation is difficult, and it has heavy psychological costs. One of the hardest things in life is letting go of the people we love the most and who we are used to having in our lives. It's like hell or an endless nightmare.
And when some people feel that they are in a relationship that has reached a dead end, they have the opposite reaction. He becomes more attached to his partner to the point where he humiliates himself, his dignity and his self-respect. Here, abandoning the partner becomes an indispensable necessity for life to continue, even if the price is going through a very difficult period.
American psychiatrist Ty David Lerman told Cosmopolitan magazine, “Often, people continue their relationships more than they should for fear of the unknown, loneliness, and loss… So, the first step in getting out of a relationship is Determine the time of departure.
Pain addiction is not normal
Psychologists say that man is naturally addicted to love, and also addicted to hope. Indeed, all relationships are addictive in one way or another, even the toxic ones.
And when a relationship becomes difficult and acrimonious, we tend to stick with it even though we may think of walking away a thousand times in our minds. But we simply do not, and we continue to suffer and suffer, thinking that this is just a phase or a passing cloud, and that everything will return to normal in the end.
The Minds Journal website considered dealing with pain and suffering as natural things as lying to oneself. "We lie to ourselves. There is nothing natural about pain and suffering, especially if it lasts for long periods."
In some cases we fail to see the truth, and the feelings of love turn into an illusion that makes us addicted to “relationship toxicity”, and this makes walking away very difficult, no matter how hurtful it is.
A study published in the journal Frontiers in Psychology found that common biological factors may be behind the continuation of toxic relationships. Falling in love is addictive, just like hard drugs.
According to the study, feelings of love activate the same areas in our brain as cocaine does, noting that brain scans of both people with cocaine addiction and loving people showed a similar increased activity in the brain's dopamine centers, which are the centers of pleasure.
HealthLine mentioned a number of steps that make it easier to get rid of toxic, harmful relationships:
1- Positivity in the face of painful thoughts
We often get caught up in painful thoughts and sad memories. But we should remember that the way we talk to ourselves is very important for salvation and moving forward in life, or staying stuck where we are until we wither and die. And more often than not, having a "positive mantra" that you say to yourself is very important to salvation.
Psychologist Dr. Carla Manley says, "Instead of drowning in dark thoughts and trying to understand: How did this happen to me? Try saying to yourself: I am lucky because I am able to find a new path in life, a path that is good for me." And remember that separation is a new opportunity for you to start another completely different life, away from all the previous pain.
2- The spatial dimension
Get away spatially as much as you can, and leave a distance between you and the person you broke up with. It is better not to go through the places that brought you together. In this context, Dr. Ramani Durvasola, a clinical psychologist, says, "Creating a physical or psychological distance between us and the other person is very important, and helps a lot in recovery," or as the saying goes, "out of sight, out of heart."
3- Focus on the present
Focus on yourself, your life and your future, rather than dwelling on the past. And when you remember something painful, go back to the present and think of something you have now, away from the memories of the painful past.
"The more we can focus on the present moment, the less our past or future will affect us," says Lisa Oliveira, a marriage and family specialist. "When we focus on the present, we have more freedom in choosing how we go about our lives."
4-Don't blame yourself and be nice to her
Many people blame themselves for the failure of the relationship, and this is never true. There are always two parties to any relationship, whatever its form. Here, be merciful to yourself and do not blame her for failure, stop criticizing yourself, and forgive yourself first before you forgive the other party.
“Don't be hard on yourself, treat yourself as you would a dear friend,” says Oliveira. “It is true that hurt is inevitable, and we may not be able to avoid pain; however, we can choose to treat ourselves with kindness, love and forgiveness.”
5- Surround yourself with friends
This simple yet powerful tip can help you take a lot of hurt. People experiencing the pain of a breakup often withdraw, isolating themselves from their family and friends and suffering in silence, alone. This is unhealthy behaviour. We are social beings, and we cannot live alone or deal with our pain alone.
Allow family and friends to help you, and rely on them in your ordeal; Their support for you is a great way to reduce loneliness and isolation, and also to remind us of the good that exists in us as human beings, and the other beautiful things that exist in life, such as family and friendship.