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How Focusing on What's Wrong Can Ruin Your Marriage

24.04.2023 08:27 AM
How Focusing on What's Wrong Can Ruin Your Marriage
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How Focusing on What's Wrong Can Ruin Your Marriage
There is a difference between expressing yourself and what bothers you, and between trolling your partner's faults, focusing on everything he did or didn't do, every word he said and how he said it, the mistakes he made intentionally and unintentionally, the small details he didn't remember well, and exposing him to criticism and scolding all the time.

Phishing provokes many negative feelings that threaten the peace of relations and disturb the party who is subject to criticism all the time, and its effect may be exacerbated and cause depression, low self-esteem and the rupture of bonds between spouses.

Is it worth the attention?
No marriage is without conflict, but is marriage about conflict all the time? Of course not, and here are some signs of phishing, get to know them in order to differentiate between this behavior and disagreements about matters that deserve it:

Many factors push some people to make mistakes for those around them, including:

Believing that others should be directed or given advice.
The lack of ability to properly express needs, resulting in continuous criticism.
There is a big problem, but it is difficult to face it, so the focus is on the small and trivial things.
Infection with social anxiety, as a study published by the “Science Direct” platform found that those who suffer from social anxiety are more likely to catch mistakes for their spouses, while they are also the ones who feel the most upset when their partners criticize them.
Depression and divorce
No matter how compatible the spouses are, every human being has his faults and what he lacks, and this is part of our human nature. Therefore, when rejecting this fact and asking for perfection from the other, the spouses cannot bear each other's faults, and the focus is on each party's shortcomings and what he lacks.

This results in many negative effects, including frequent disagreements and arguments between spouses, low self-confidence and low self-esteem, and feelings of resentment, frustration, and dissatisfaction with the relationship.

The negative impact of trolling may be exacerbated further, as a study published in the journal PLOS ONE concluded that trolling in marital relationships increases the risk of depression, and constant blame and criticism are among the biggest reasons that may lead to depression. lead to divorce.

Live with your partner's nature
All long-term relationships involve problems due to personality traits or temperamental traits of the spouses, which are unsolvable and you simply need to learn to live with them, otherwise they will become a cause of permanent conflicts.

And the “Very Well mind” website quoted John Gottman, an American psychotherapist and author of the book “The Seven Principles of Marriage Success,” that “69% of relationship problems are due to unsolvable issues, including the little things that drive focus.” to bug-catching behaviour.

If you focus on your partner's mistakes and constantly point them out, here are some tips that can help you stop this behavior and protect yourself and your marriage from negative consequences:

Accept your partner: Always remind yourself that you have to accept the fact that your husband has some habits that bother you, and learn to pick your battles. There are small things you have to make an effort to accept, and there are other issues worth focusing on.
Take a moment with how you feel: Before you decide to criticize your spouse for trivial issues. Focus on your inner feelings, and ask yourself, what do you really need? Do you want to express something big that you can't stand up to? Is there another motive?

It is important to do this, because one of the reasons for trolling behavior is to try to meet other needs, so you must first understand where your annoyance comes from, and if you find that you would like something else, try to express the same thing directly instead of directing destructive criticism.

Do not accumulate: If you have a problem, bring it up and discuss it when you have the opportunity and do not store negative feelings inside you, as this may lead you to vent your anger through many criticisms and not tolerating your partner's mistakes.

Put yourself in your partner's shoes: Think about how you would feel if your partner focused on your flaws and mistakes and did not tolerate your annoying nature, how would you feel then? This may help you realize the negative impact of your words, and really decide to stop the behavior.

Offer to help: Instead of just pointing out your partner's mistakes, you can offer to help make it better. For example, instead of focusing on your husband's messiness all the time, help him organize his things and buy boxes that are easy to put his things in in an organized manner.

What do you do if you are the victim?

Express yourself: It may seem self-evident that this behavior is unacceptable and disturbing, but the party that trolls mistakes may not be aware, and therefore with your realization that this matter negatively affects you, express what you feel and how this behavior affects you.

Ask: If you find that your partner has been criticizing you a lot lately, ask him if there is something else that is bothering him, and help him explain what he thinks and feels, as this may be the trigger for the sudden behavior.

Praise your partner: A person's catching behavior can start because of a negative self-image he has about himself. He constantly criticizes himself and criticizes others as well. It can help alleviate these accumulated negative feelings by directing him some positive words and focusing on the things you love about him.
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